too quick to think clearly
too slow to write freely
lost in my own thoughts
my own losts, my own farts
brain farts, but not really
but only if you want
but so silly
and sometimes its like that
you think, you forget
you live, you regret
heck, I don’t know where I’m at
but I know I got a hat
but again, that doesn’t make sense
but what does?
Who and what and oh, I’m so tense
Why and how and oh, I’m so fenced
In my own world, in my own thoughts
My iron-wrought
Fence
My own immense
Spectrum of me
A color, distorted from the sea
But so close to me
I wish I could just be
And be
And be
Me.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Me, Myself, and I
I find myself looking at myself a lot more now. No, I'm not getting any more narcissistic, if anything, less. My bathroom mirror, the huge paneled mirrors of my closet, my laptop screen, whatever I can find, I look. I stare at myself, hoping to see the real me deep within, but I always just see myself, looking back. But its strange, because I always stare, harder, and harder, to try to dig deeper, but I never see anything more than just me, again, my reflection, staring back. I stare, and I stare, and nothing changes, nothing happens, only time. When will I know?
When will I know, that the me I'm looking at, the person I see everyday in the mirror, is actually me?
When will I know, that the me I'm looking at, the person I see everyday in the mirror, is actually me?
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
What's up newyork
So, its February ninth, 2009, wait, 2010 and I'm writing for the first time in like forever. Things have been confusing for me in the past few months, what with college apps, financial aid, and three AP's - not to mention yearbook which is a time-eating-machine - I don't know what's going on anymore! I wonder if I'm supposed to send in mid-year reports to any of my colleges. Hmm...who knows? I'm so lost right now, senior year's so weird, and what's even weirder is me. What do I want? I drone through my days like they're evanescent dreams; heck, I don't even remember 90% of the things I do anymore. My days have been all swirled together, bounded by leather, and tossed into a washing machine on fast-cycle and then placed on a bullet train shooting at 256 mph, then attached to a rocket ship aimed for Mars.
where the fuck did Tuesday go?
where the fuck did Tuesday go?
Saturday, September 12, 2009
My NHS Essay
While searching through the entangled remnants of my Windows XP files - I recently had my computer reformatted and reinstalled with Windows 7 - I rediscovered a word document from my past. It was titled "NHS Essay" and so I assumed it was my application essay for the National Honors Society, which I am currently a member of, and opened it up. It went a little something like this:
When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. That’s what my father told me out of nowhere one day as I was making sushi in the backyard. “But dad, I don’t like lemonade,” I replied. He smiled and told me to go chop wood. Being the gentleman that I was, I amused him by scratching his back instead. The sunlight of the moon created shadows in the shadow-less darkness. As time grew into trees and the water grew silent like apricots on a Saturday morning, I picked flowers in the dentist office. The phone rang, and I danced along to it. I karate chopped the phone and it blew into a billion pieces. Out of the ruins of the karate chopped phone appeared a leprechaun the size of a penny. I had to squint carefully to reassure myself that I was not dreaming. The leprechaun winked at me as it scurried across the floor and into the tool cabinet of the dentist. I quickly grabbed my umbrella and blew up a car door out of steel, sourdough bread, and a monkey’s guitar. This in turn, made the leprechaun screech like a coyote and roll out from under the cabinet and into a shoebox. The shoebox turned out to be a life-sized cardboard cut out of Zac Efron, which came to life, and ate the leprechaun like a bag of chips. CRUNCH. MUNCH. “Yummm! Lucky charms!” shouted the Zac Efron. He was a massive beast, weighing in at 180 pounds and towering a good 6”2’, he was a formidable opponent. He licked his fingers off in a seductive way and shot his devilish, yet sexy, eyes at me. “Get your head in my PUSSY!” He demanded. I was shocked frozen like a pack of wolves on New Year’s Eve. “What the fuck? Are you asking me to have sexual relations with a piece of cardboard?” I exclaimed in absolute discontent and confusion…and disgust. He let out a huge “ROARRR!” and demanded he be treated like a real woman. “Why don’t you just go and make love to a stack of papers!” I retorted. The angry Zac Efron settled his toes into the sand and ate a block of chewing gum. He chewed on that piece of gum until it was nice and fine like taffy and he used it to stick me to the wall. I
Realizing quickly that this unfinished, ridiculous and completely random piece of work wasn't my NHS essay, I laughed and remembered. When I was first attempting to write my essay, I was not in the thinking nor writing mood, and so I just went off on a tangent and typed away without thinking. Thus, the beginning, and sudden end, to a strange and sexually repulsive story was created.
When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. That’s what my father told me out of nowhere one day as I was making sushi in the backyard. “But dad, I don’t like lemonade,” I replied. He smiled and told me to go chop wood. Being the gentleman that I was, I amused him by scratching his back instead. The sunlight of the moon created shadows in the shadow-less darkness. As time grew into trees and the water grew silent like apricots on a Saturday morning, I picked flowers in the dentist office. The phone rang, and I danced along to it. I karate chopped the phone and it blew into a billion pieces. Out of the ruins of the karate chopped phone appeared a leprechaun the size of a penny. I had to squint carefully to reassure myself that I was not dreaming. The leprechaun winked at me as it scurried across the floor and into the tool cabinet of the dentist. I quickly grabbed my umbrella and blew up a car door out of steel, sourdough bread, and a monkey’s guitar. This in turn, made the leprechaun screech like a coyote and roll out from under the cabinet and into a shoebox. The shoebox turned out to be a life-sized cardboard cut out of Zac Efron, which came to life, and ate the leprechaun like a bag of chips. CRUNCH. MUNCH. “Yummm! Lucky charms!” shouted the Zac Efron. He was a massive beast, weighing in at 180 pounds and towering a good 6”2’, he was a formidable opponent. He licked his fingers off in a seductive way and shot his devilish, yet sexy, eyes at me. “Get your head in my PUSSY!” He demanded. I was shocked frozen like a pack of wolves on New Year’s Eve. “What the fuck? Are you asking me to have sexual relations with a piece of cardboard?” I exclaimed in absolute discontent and confusion…and disgust. He let out a huge “ROARRR!” and demanded he be treated like a real woman. “Why don’t you just go and make love to a stack of papers!” I retorted. The angry Zac Efron settled his toes into the sand and ate a block of chewing gum. He chewed on that piece of gum until it was nice and fine like taffy and he used it to stick me to the wall. I
Realizing quickly that this unfinished, ridiculous and completely random piece of work wasn't my NHS essay, I laughed and remembered. When I was first attempting to write my essay, I was not in the thinking nor writing mood, and so I just went off on a tangent and typed away without thinking. Thus, the beginning, and sudden end, to a strange and sexually repulsive story was created.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
It was the fourth of July,
and instead of waking up to the smell of barbecue, I woke up to the insistent pestering of my mother. " Tuc ya dee! We're going to the flea market!" What the fuck? The flea market? We haven't been there in ages. I asked," Do I have time to shower?" and she promptly said, "No, shower later," and left. I grabbed jeans off the floor and a shirt from the closet, jumbled them together on my body, brushed my teeth, and walked downstairs and through the garage door. I eased into my dirty white converse as I peered around for any hint, sign, or clue of my dad's whereabouts. He's usually the first one outside and today I thought I might've beaten him. I was wrong. I heard the side gate clank as my dad walked out, a blue metal stroller trailing behind him. He beeped the car as I opened the trunk to help him load up the stroller. I then grabbed four water bottles and dropped them into the front of the car. My brother, sister, then mother came out afterwards and we were off. When we got there, it was a slow beginning, like always, but I quickly found what my heart was searching for. Through the endless rows of electronics, I found an antique alarm clock that also doubled as an am/fm radio. The clock was analog. I fell in love. I quickly discussed between my brother and sister, and then asked the lady, "how much?" "Five," she said. I bargained for four and a minute later I was walking away with a plastic bag with my 'brand new' clock/radio. It seemed as if I were on a treasure-finding-roll, because about twenty minutes later, I struck gold again when I found an old 80's-looking boombox made by Sanyo. I was instantly hooked and quickly turned to inquire its worth when I was beat to it by a "Ocho dolares," that came out of the man's mouth. I quickly declined and replied with, "five." He took the bait and in the end I had a boombox and alarm clock. Oh, how lucky I am. My luck turned even better when I arrived home to find both of my treasures working! I gave a victory screech and pranced around the house while music played from the Sanyo boombox. It felt like love.
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