I should've Made Lemonade

They say that when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. I should've made lemonade.

________, it's been two years and if I've learned anything in those two years, besides learning how to differentiate and where the Gulf of Tonkin is located, I've learned that life doesn't hand out a second batch of lemons. ______, I know that what I've done to you is irreparable and possibly even unforgettable, but I want to make it up to you. Back then I was naive and blinded by ignorance. I was incapable of realizing how good of a thing we had. I was so stupid. Nights spent beating myself over the head, the constant lingering thoughts of craziness, of random words and phrases and explicit questions and demands and dreams and hopes. Everything. I've sat thinking for countless hours, mesmerized, dazed, of how something so sweet, something so pure, can turn rotten and cold in a swift pull of a switch. I've thought crazy thoughts ________. Dreamed crazy dreams. Nightmare'd crazy nightmares. To come to nothing but the same conclusion: I want you and only you. If you give me a chance, I want to talk to you, in person, about everything. I want to take responsibility for my actions and prove to you that, that’s not who I really am. I know that I'm better than the person I was once before. Please, give me a chance to just talk to you, _____. Please.
Parting is such sweet sorrow, yet we parted in such a sour way that I can not bear this sour sorrow any longer. You were the sweetest lemon of all the lemons ever given to one man in his lifetime. Life hands you lemons, and you make lemonade. You would've been the tastiest lemonade ever.

I. Love. lemons.

hmmm

Whenever I'm doing something in a crowded social situation, I tend to divert my eyes from left to right every so often, as if searching for something. I am not sure if my lack of attention to one specific activity is due to acts of ADD or perhaps to my own reaction-seeking characteristic. Fuck this, I feel in state, but i think its the little things, the small little details that fuck me up. If I always look to others for value or for validation, acceptance, or for entertainment, then I am truly never in state. Fuck this shit, pull your shit together homeboy, I'ma studdyyy, lateeee