I did a funny thing today. As I was scrolling through my text messages, I clicked an icon on my touch screen with someone talking or something and the text message was read aloud in a robotic voice. I figured I'd let it read out your text messages to me. It was pretty trippy. I listened to it playback all the text messages I saved from you. ={
it's not as good as having you there, but I dunno. Having my phone read aloud your text messages was very soothing.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Why do I still google your name
it's funny, but sad like bittersweet rain.
google took me to a tumblr of another Vivien with a E in her name
Yes with an e, instead of the a, who lives in Germany
Dusseldorf to be exact, she's a model I think, but honestly
You were my model. I miss you so much I can't swallow
these words must come out so I don't bottle them, hollow, empty promises
tying them down, lying around, not sure of what to do but contemplate suicide
crying sounds, lame ass excuses to not hang out
avoiding all social concepts, me just lost in my own project
ideas forming in my mind, get lost. I still find you on the web, fuck.
ADHD allows me to think about you, then think about you, and then daydream while thinking about you. IT's FUCKED UP.
google took me to a tumblr of another Vivien with a E in her name
Yes with an e, instead of the a, who lives in Germany
Dusseldorf to be exact, she's a model I think, but honestly
You were my model. I miss you so much I can't swallow
these words must come out so I don't bottle them, hollow, empty promises
tying them down, lying around, not sure of what to do but contemplate suicide
crying sounds, lame ass excuses to not hang out
avoiding all social concepts, me just lost in my own project
ideas forming in my mind, get lost. I still find you on the web, fuck.
ADHD allows me to think about you, then think about you, and then daydream while thinking about you. IT's FUCKED UP.
Silly rabbit..
love is for fools. I sit in in my own pool
sadness dripping all over me, feet cold and pruning
the phrase "it's over" lingers, my heart turns and nosedives
because when you jump into a pool of love, you go heart-first
first verse, first time i saw you I loved
everything you stood for, you and all your homey decor
decked out in nothing more than some simple bath robe
but i still checked you out, first night make out, you were my
vietnamese take out, always down to do anything
girl so sick with it i shouldnt've said anything
words come out and they stick like glue
words hurt others and i dont have a goddamn clue
merged together, into one giant ass blue
cause girl you're colors all I got left now,
and I'm feeling them blues, blues.
sadness dripping all over me, feet cold and pruning
the phrase "it's over" lingers, my heart turns and nosedives
because when you jump into a pool of love, you go heart-first
first verse, first time i saw you I loved
everything you stood for, you and all your homey decor
decked out in nothing more than some simple bath robe
but i still checked you out, first night make out, you were my
vietnamese take out, always down to do anything
girl so sick with it i shouldnt've said anything
words come out and they stick like glue
words hurt others and i dont have a goddamn clue
merged together, into one giant ass blue
cause girl you're colors all I got left now,
and I'm feeling them blues, blues.
I had an interview today
with OutclickMedia. Some internet, marketing, thing...not really sure. It was an internship possibility. Actually, my interview's not til another 30 minutes. And I don't think I'm going. I woke up late. Haven't showered, haven't dressed. Haven't called up my brother to take me. Fuck it. I can't even focus on my shit to be honest. You're like pepper spray in my eyes, I can't see clearly. All I see is you. My head's done working. It doesn't want to do anything except think about you all day. I guess a part of me just doesn't want it to end. sigh...I want to do everything with you. I want to sing with you. Joke with you, play with you, hang out with you, do everything with you. =[. I want to show you the cool side of Duy. I want to be that chill guy, the cool guy. I want to be the guy you love, the guy you're attracted to. =[ I'm so sorry baby. I'm so sorry I hurt you so badly.
I performed in front of the Uncultivated Rabbits today.
They're that spoken poetry group on campus I think I told you about. I didn't have time to prepare a piece cause my mind was so scattered but I made it in time and printed out two or three blogs I wrote, I think most of them or all of them were about you. I performed this one:
i stay up late, past 5 in the morning.
I guess it's not late anymore but my roommate's snoring
is still provocative in its own ways.
soothing, reminding me of something I should be doing
sleeping,
but I'm wide-awake.
why is it that I'm willing to wander the nights aimlessly missing you, to call out your name silently to myself, to clamp my heart and lean against the paper towel dispenser of my bathroom thinking of you and feeling the rush of excitement and desire run through my veins. I tremble.
But when I have you on webcam, the telephone, when you're in my very arms, when we're side by side or by and by I never say hi and ask you why or the time and if I may recline and talk to you for once. why is it that i wait til you're gone to express my feelings to you. I am a forgotten story. I am the lost soldier, the MIA, the person who never came back. the lone wolf. I AWOL everytime. whywhywhywhwywhy.
Am I that avoidant? do I hate confrontations that much? am i that afraid to show value or to give value to a girl. I'm not happy when you're here, yet I'm sad when you're gone. I act sincere and interested but I'm really distant and indifferent. I love you a lot and I think I'm alone.
It's as if I wait until the rejection, the possible shut downs, and fear of socializing and offering value reside that I am able to miss her and want to talk to her. Why can't I want to talk to her when I am talking to her.
I'm sorry I'm so fucked up and i hope you don't see this. i love you so much that i can't really see through this.
I adlibbed most parts. All the raps, all the things I've been thinking about lately, writing about, its pretty much about you...These emotions are suffocating, sometimes I can't breathe. I just can't stand the thought of not having you.
i stay up late, past 5 in the morning.
I guess it's not late anymore but my roommate's snoring
is still provocative in its own ways.
soothing, reminding me of something I should be doing
sleeping,
but I'm wide-awake.
why is it that I'm willing to wander the nights aimlessly missing you, to call out your name silently to myself, to clamp my heart and lean against the paper towel dispenser of my bathroom thinking of you and feeling the rush of excitement and desire run through my veins. I tremble.
But when I have you on webcam, the telephone, when you're in my very arms, when we're side by side or by and by I never say hi and ask you why or the time and if I may recline and talk to you for once. why is it that i wait til you're gone to express my feelings to you. I am a forgotten story. I am the lost soldier, the MIA, the person who never came back. the lone wolf. I AWOL everytime. whywhywhywhwywhy.
Am I that avoidant? do I hate confrontations that much? am i that afraid to show value or to give value to a girl. I'm not happy when you're here, yet I'm sad when you're gone. I act sincere and interested but I'm really distant and indifferent. I love you a lot and I think I'm alone.
It's as if I wait until the rejection, the possible shut downs, and fear of socializing and offering value reside that I am able to miss her and want to talk to her. Why can't I want to talk to her when I am talking to her.
I'm sorry I'm so fucked up and i hope you don't see this. i love you so much that i can't really see through this.
I adlibbed most parts. All the raps, all the things I've been thinking about lately, writing about, its pretty much about you...These emotions are suffocating, sometimes I can't breathe. I just can't stand the thought of not having you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
