Stupid Shit I Say

I remember the last time I saw you, your sweater was short, now you have a short shirt. Funny how that works out. But this isn't even about you.

Stupid shit I say.


Listen, you (and you know who you are) are the most important thing in my life. I try to see past you, but I cant. I cant see anything besides you. You're blocking the sunlight so nothing ever does shine on me but you. It's as if you're the fastest thing in the whole universe, and all my ambitions, dreams, goals, desires, wants, and feelings can never get past you. Because girl, you are my ambition. You're the girl I dream about every night, the goal I reach for every day. I desire you more than anything. I want you more than what is necessary (there's never enough of you to go around). My feelings can't get past you because, my feelings reside in you. I love you.

But girl, I don't think your feelings for me are the same. It's depleting I'm sure.
This "thing" whatever you want to call it. Your love and interest in me. It's draining out, its going bad and acidic like an old battery. The love potion's wearing off. It's not your fault, trust me. I know. It's me, I'm pushing you away. You might not understand why, but it's just me. I'm not there yet, I don't know enough, I can't let go of petty things even though they are petty. I know they're trivial but my mind makes it so that they are not. I dwell on them until I feel faint and drop. I hate dwelling on things -the past, the present, the future - everything too morbid and obese to be contained. I hate the thoughts and feelings I have. But they're what I have. I'm working on them, but I'm not improving. I still get pissed over little things. And this honestly frightens the living hell out of me.