niggas aint got balls, vasectomy

"Duy. You. Can't. Leave. Yet."

"What? No. I have to! I'm late! I need to go."
"You have to stay here for fifteen minutes." Hands grab me and pull me down into a chair. I'm force fed pretzels.
"Damn you guys..."
"What did you say?"
"Oh. Nothing." I munched on my pretzels and downed a water bottle and a can of orange juice. About twenty minutes earlier I was laid back in a recliner with my feet in the air. A man dressed in white was scrubbing away at the inside of my elbow. scrapescrapescrape.
"What is that stuff?" I asked the white bed sheet.
"Oh uh just....," he went on about sterilizing or something. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.

if youre on one side or the other you see one side more

if you step back and youre not on either side, you can see the flaws of both and the pros of both

so you can act accordingly

no entitlement

grey jedi

ronin

nomadic

exile

outcast

dogmatic

to know the force you need to learn everything good and bad

jedi can get passive

so like they dont wanna join wars

passivity is a crime at times too

Today

Report • 11:24pm
heyy

Report • 11:25pm
heyyyyy

Report • 11:25pm
how you doing honay

Report • 11:25pm
i am doing okayy
what about you?

Report • 11:26pm
good, alrightt
are you missing me less each day?

Report • 11:27pm
am I supposed to say yes to make you feel better?

Report • 11:27pm
no
i guess thats a no

Report • 11:28pm
ding ding we have a winner!

Report • 11:28pm
=\
vivian, i thought i was doing the right thing by leaving you, but im just really confused
i keep thinking im like this really bad nasty guy, and me loving you and caring for you so much - even if i dont show it in a defined gesture or nice manner - didnt want seeing you hurt anymore
but then im thinking, okay cool, you're leaving her, tahts what you have to do, you have to distance yourself from her to stop the pain
but like, it obviously doesnt work that way
becaues of emotions and stuff, but i was thinking more of the entire thing
like me hurting you on a global scale compared to a local like mistreatment here or there
I was thinking about day to day stuff, stuff i didnt get right, blah blah,
and call it insecurities or what not, i just didnt want you to experience some of my behaviors
its confusing later, a day in, not even, you start htinking, wait. did i give up too easily?
you start losing track of all your firm arguements for breaking up, all the statistics, the logistical data you collected
all of your fundamental ideas behind why you should stop dating this girl because of your need to protect her from yourself
was i tricked? was i being insecure about my behaviors?
I dont know. I think I need time to grow, but I hate yout o be on the dirty end of the stick
that has to witness that growth
its long, tedious, and a bit fucked up

Report • 11:35pm
:(

smoked my first joint today....
it was WAY better than yesterday's (haha)
I used to do drugs, I still do drugs, but I used to, too.
I'm a nonsmoker...inbetween puffs
fuck a tolerance break, i dont tolerant breaks, the greens too good
so i never be stepping on them brakes
keep puff, puff, passing til we clear them leaves with them rakes
our mouths move faster, weed collecting like a weedamon master (lol)